


Consequence

by StarlessSkies



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Amnesia, Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, Family, Fix-It of Sorts, Joel (The Last of Us) Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26016451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlessSkies/pseuds/StarlessSkies
Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up suffering from really bad amnesia. He can't remember his wife, Ellie or the Outbreak; only before.How will his family bring back the man they once knew?Joel Miller x OC
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 78





	1. Prologue

**J** oel didn't know what happened. He was just supposed to take Ellie to the Fireflies and walk away.

When he thought back to the beginning, he'd been so against the idea. It all seemed so ridiculous. After meeting Ellie and Adaline he would've been more than happy to just leave the woman behind rather be in the company of yet another Firefly. But Ada had insisted on accompanying Ellie for the trip; having practically raised the girl since her mother had passed. Eventually Joel saw no reason to argue, didn't seem worth the time.

He hadn't expected things to get so complicated. But you travel halfway across the country with someone.

The older man glanced back at his brother as Tommy listened intently as Joel told his story.

How he and Adaline had protected the girl with all they had in them. How Ellie had stepped up and held her own in the world that was unknown to her. How hard she'd fought to get there, she wanted her immunity to mean something. So much so that he himself had maybe started to buy into the whole cure business. But Adaline had one night admitted her doubts to him, when Ellie lay asleep. He explained that the brunette had been losing faith in the Fireflies before she'd left Boston. A feeling which Tommy could greatly sympathize with, considering he had once been in the same mindset when he'd chosen to leave.

He'd met Adaline before; when they'd passed through Jackson. She had seemed nice then and could see why Joel had taken such a liking to her. She looked of similar age to him. Perhaps forty four? Forty five if he had to guess. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail like Ellie's though it was much longer with streaks of grey running through the dark brown strands that brushed against her shoulders as she walked alongside Joel.

He'd noticed the stares between the two during their walk through the compound and the younger Miller had had his suspicions of there possibly being more to Joel and Adaline's relationship than just friendship. Though it wasn't until the unexpected attack on the dam by Hunters that Tommy's assumptions proved to be right when he noticed just how worried and protective his big brother had been over the two.

Pulling the older woman close as he rested shaking hands on her face, the love in his eyes had been undeniably there.

Tommy had been hopeful with his offer for the trio to stay in Jackson. Especially after learning of Adaline's experience with horses, she'd informed Maria over lunch that she had just finished her studies as an equine vet before the outbreak. He figured her skills plus Joel and Ellie's experience would have been extremely beneficial to Jackson. But he understood their situation even if he too had his doubts.

Joel took a deep breath, pausing in his seat, eyes cast towards the floor as he explained what had happened after they'd left.

And in Tommy's opinion it didn't sound anything short of a nightmare. Joel had shown his brother his scar and even as they sat face to face, he was still having trouble believing just how his older brother had survived such an ordeal.

" _ It was them. _ " he'd said. " _ They kept me going." _

His heart had bled for Ellie when Joel had told him about David, how he and Ada had finally reached her, only to discover the poor girl soaked in that monster's blood. They walked away but it had come at a cost and it'd been the last shred of Ellie's innocence. There were no more jokes, no more puns or smiles. He'd sat on watch through endless nights listening to Ellie cry in Adaline's arms. It was the first time she'd called the woman ' _ mom _ '. Just a whimper as she finally gave in to exhaustion.

It was also the first time that Joel had swore he would never let any harm come to his little girl ever again. No matter the cost. Adaline had voiced her own desire to do the same and they'd even gone as far as debating whether to give up on the whole thing. They'd both asked Ellie as they'd reached Salt Lake City. But it seemed nothing was going to change her mind. Not after everything she had done to get there.

And so against their better judgement, they had reluctantly followed. Both wanting to do right by her. And they made it. They found the Fireflies. And because of Ellie they were actually going to make a cure. The only catch was...it would kill her.

Adaline had remembered her anger as Marlene had explained it to her. And after refusing to tell her where Joel was, she'd insisted on seeing Ellie. Again Marlene refused. It was only when the woman rebelled had her comrades turned violent, beating her down and stripping her of her rank before planning to cast her out of the hospital and leaving her to fend for herself. But she'd fought back, finding her way through the winding hallways and wards until she'd heard the gunshots from the operating theatre.

Joel remembered the look on her face when she'd finally reached the parking lot, the relief that washed through her brown eyes when she saw Ellie unconscious in his arms. Followed by shock when she saw Marlene on the ground, begging for the mercy she hadn't granted Ellie.

When she safely placed the girl on the backseat of the truck she'd found herself back at Joel's side once more. Staring down at the woman she'd trusted; that she'd once thought so fondly of. Even called a friend. Now when she looked at her, she only felt anger, betrayal. That she would so carelessly give up the life of an innocent child for something so uncertain.

Marlene had tried to save herself, begging for Adaline to let her go. ' _ Do the right thing.' _

She didn't even flinch when Joel pulled the trigger. They saved Ellie and that was all that mattered. 

"Damn Joel. That's a lot." Tommy said, swallowing hard as he tried to process everything. Joel simply nods in return, his idle hands resting on the neck of the guitar he holds before continuing with the cleaning of the wood. "What does Ellie know?" He asks after the quiet that settles between them.

"Ada and I told her they ran some tests. We told her, her immunity means nothing."

"And she believed you?" Joel shrugs. "She didn't say otherwise, though considering Ada used to be one of em'...I guess she ain't got no reason not to."

Tommy hums in agreement, leaning further back in his seat. Hands rested on his knees as he sighs in thought.

"So Ada huh?" He asks cautiously. He notices Joel flinch slightly at the question. The rag in his hand once again placed to the side along with the guitar on his lap. He sighs heavily before glancing back up at his younger brother.

"I love her Tommy. I ain't gonna to lie to you." Joel admits softly, his voice trembles as he says the words out loud for the first time. And when he does he can't ignore the flutter in his stomach. 

His brother just gives a knowing smile and nods before pulling himself up from his seat. "We should head back." he says, grabbing his backpack. Joel follows suit picking up his own before reaching for the guitar leaning on the armrest.

The ride back to Jackson is quiet but Tommy takes it as respite to fully think through all his brother had told him. If he was honest, he couldn't deny he'd have done any different had he been in Joel's position. He tells him as much when they reach the stables. And when he promises his brother to take the secret to the grave if need be, he damn well means it.

Joel is grateful but still feels the weight of the lie on his shoulders. Though it somewhat eases when he sees Ellie. The girl's content smile as he sings for her makes it all worth it. His happiness grows all the more when he hands her the guitar and sees the excitement in her eyes.

When he bids her goodnight he heads back to the house, the back door gently clicked shut behind him as he makes his way through to the living room. It's quiet and still, a fire just starting to burn out in the fireplace, he can just make out the silhouette drifting on the couch. His hand reaching out to nudge a shoulder.

"Hey darlin'." He whispers. Adaline stirs with a gentle hum and stretches as she sits up. "Hey." She smiles rubbing at dozy eyes. "How did the patrol go?" She asks as Joel moves to flop beside her on the couch and she scooches across to make room for him.

He leans his head against the back of the couch, his eyes closed and head turned towards the ceiling.

"I told Tommy what happened." He mumbles. "Said he'd take it to the grave if he needs to."

Adaline sighs in response grabbing Joel's attention. He opens his eyes and looks back at her with an uncertainty clouding his eyes. "That okay?"

She stares at the floor, legs tucked underneath her. Her arms folded. She contemplates her answer before staring back at the man beside her.

"I don't regret it Joel...any of it. If I had a second chance at that moment, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat." She unfolds her arms and leans against him, her head rested on his shoulder. He shuffles closer, arms draping around her and pressing a kiss to her temple then resting his head on hers.

"Me too." He breaths with a sigh. 


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is a big one, I wrote this over the course of like 3 days I think? Anyway I hope you like it because it's probably the longest chapter I've ever written for one of my stories <3

**I** t was just five in the morning when Adaline Miller woke up. Her head still a little groggy from a decent night’s sleep and her fading dreams. She turned to see Joel still asleep beside her; his gentle snores muffled into his pillow. She smiled and leaned over kissing his bare shoulder before rolling out of bed to get ready for her day.

Stepping downstairs towards the kitchen, Ada realised just how cold it was when she noticed how frosted over the windows had become overnight. Ada hated winter. It was her least favourite season. After everything that had happened almost five years ago it wasn’t hard to understand why. Even now she still sometimes had nightmares about it.

Waking up to find Joel cold in his bed; his stomach wound torn open. Blood everywhere. Or finding Ellie beaten and bruised, left alone in that burned out restaurant.

Joel had always been there to console her, holding her until she calmed down. His voice low to just a whisper as he told her everything was okay. She was safe. He was there and he wasn’t ever going to leave.

It was a comfort she appreciated even after being married to the man for just under four years.

Stepping through into the kitchen, the brunette quickly got to work preparing some eggs on the stove for breakfast before moving across the counter to make up a pot of coffee for herself and Joel. She still wasn’t totally sure what her husband had traded for the beans; but Joel had seemed rather embarrassed by it for some reason. Though after finally getting to taste coffee again after so long, she didn’t much care she supposed. After the hot water was boiled she poured the beverage out, setting aside Joel’s favourite owl mug for when he came down.

Joel had always been an early riser and more often than not, he was almost always the one that beat her to the kitchen in the morning. It had taken some time after settling in Jackson to actually get the man to finally relax a little. It was unfortunate for Ada that he had taken that to mean _‘no sleeping in past seven’._ Even on days off, Joel was up before the sun. Lucky Ada had found her own ways to at least keep him in bed past seven on those days; sleeping or otherwise. Thankfully Joel never complained.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the creaking of the stairs as Ada glanced up to meet eyes with Joel. His arms stretched above his head and suppressing a yawn. He stepped through the door, his hand dropping to scratch at his bearded chin.

“Morning darlin’.” Joel slurred, heading straight for his coffee mug. “Hold on...why are you dressed already?” Ada questioned. Her egg covered spoon gesturing at him in his winter gear. Joel followed her gaze, his brows raised in confusion. “I thought you weren’t on patrol until this afternoon.” She clarified.

“Oh yeah...forgot to tell you last night. Change of plans. Tommy’s gotten word of a horde gathering near the ski lodge.” He explained between sips, leaning against the counter, crossing one foot over the over. “Reckon we needed to deal with it quickly before it gets to be a problem.” 

Ada pouted but said nothing, her gaze turning from Joel back to her scrambled eggs on the stove. Joel sighed abandoning his mug on the side as he moved across towards her. His arms wrapping around her waist and resting his chin over her shoulder.

“I can hear you thinking.” He said lowly into her ear. But again Ada said nothing. He sighs moving to kiss her neck but she turns her head away as he does.

He hates this. He hates when she worries. It’s always the same routine when he heads out for clean up duty. Clearing out infected is never an easy job but it is what keeps Jackson safe. They both know that. But still whenever he’s due to leave for another job, Ada goes quiet. She’s distant and he fucking hates it.

It was the same when Ellie first asked to train for patrol, they’d been reluctant. And while they were both well aware of Ellie’s skills and her strength; it was still hard watching their baby girl in such a hurry to go out alone without them.

His arms around her waist squeeze gently as he pulls her close to his chest, his head over her shoulder stealing a kiss on her cheek.

“Baby please stop worrying, I’ll be fine.” He knew it was a foolish thing to promise because the world they lived in wasn’t safe. You never knew what the next day would bring. But if there was anything in this world Joel would find to fight for; it was coming home to his wife. His family.

Ada dumped the cooked eggs onto the plates laid out, they were a little burned on the edges. She hadn’t been paying that much attention to them if she was honest. Then turned in her husband’s arms to face him.

“Back by dinner or I kick your ass.” She warned playfully. “Deal.” He chuckled, pulling her close as their lips met in a kiss.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Ada to get to the stables when she’d finished breakfast. After reluctantly pulling herself from Joel’s arms; they’d both parted ways as the older man went to meet his brother at the gate.

She’d quickly threw herself into her list of jobs for the day, hoping it would take her mind off her worry.

“Morning Max.” She smiled at the stable hand, walking through to the back room. “Mornin’ Ada, whadda we got today?” he grinned in reply, his frame leaning through the door as she tidied her workspace. Collecting all her notes and paperwork together.

“Well Daisy has been lame for a couple days so she needs to stay on box rest. Then I need King and Blue tacked up before noon.” She explained, her eyes never leaving the sheets of paper in her hand. “Bob and Maggie are headed out on patrol so they need them ready before half twelve.”

“You got it boss!” Max assured with a joyful grin, sending her a mock salute. She chuckled at the old man as he disappeared from the doorway, but she quickly caught up to him, catching herself on the wooden frame.

“Oh! Could you also take Barnaby out into the paddock this morning please? He had a touch of colic yesterday and I want to keep his gut moving to make sure it’s passed.” She explained. Max simply nodded and turned to make a start on his duties. Ada always liked Max. He was an older gentleman, around seventy years old but still incredibly fit for his age. He’d arrived in Jackson a few years after herself, Ellie and Joel. Along with his grandsons from somewhere near Montana. Having the experience of running his own ranch before the Outbreak; he’d been the perfect fit to help Ada run the stables and take care of the horses.

She continued through until around nine o’ clock, just making the finishing touches to the poultice she’d wrapped around the gelding’s leg she was treating. “There ya go buddy.” She cooed sweetly, giving the horse a soft scratch behind the ears as he nickered in reply.

“Morning Ada!” A familiar voice greeted as the brunette moved to close the stable door closed behind her. “Morning Dina, you out on patrol this morning?”

“Yep, heading out on the creek trails with Ellie.” She smiled, Ada quickly returning it as they both looked to Ellie walking through the door. “How’s my boy?” Dina asked, grabbing Ada’s attention once again.

“Oh he’s fine, Japan had a little mud fever but I think we got it under control now. He’s good to go. All tacked up for you with Max down there.” Dina gave her a quick thumbs up and threw a thanks over her shoulder as she ran down towards the back of the barn. Leaving the woman alone with her adoptive daughter who slowly trailed behind.

“Good morning sunshine. How are you feeling this morning?” She teased. Ellie rolled her eyes at her mother’s smirk.

“Oh jeez don’t. I already got half the town giving me weird looks.” She whined. After the dance the night before, her kiss with Dina, Seth drunk and aggressively harassing the girls; it had certainly been the talk of the town the following morning. Ellie was just hoping she could outlive the embarrassment.

“So you and Dina patrolling together huh? That should be interesting. Have you talked to her yet?” “Ugh mom stop!” Ellie hissed softly, her lips twitching into a subtle smile.

“What? I like her, she’s a sweet girl. You two would be so cute together.” The teen stifled a giggle as she playfully shoved her mom’s shoulder, the older woman chuckling in return. “Shut up.”

The laughter faded when Ada sighed in thought, Ellie glancing back knowing what was coming next. Her gaze immediately falling to her feet.

“You uh...you talk to Joel yet?” She asked cautiously. For the past two years; it had been a sore subject for Ellie whenever Ada brought Joel up in conversations. After finding out the truth back in Salt Lake; she’d been so angry at both of them for everything they had kept from her. But after learning that Joel had been the one that pulled the trigger. That one that had made that decision for all of them and acted alone, she’d declared she wanted nothing more to do with him. And while it had been hard for Ada to be stuck in the middle; she’d still tried her damn hardest to build a bridge between them.

“A little...but one conversation isn’t going to fix everything.” She mumbled. Her foot kicking at the mud covered floor, eyes never leaving the ground.

“It’s a start though. Baby he really misses you.” she said. “I know. I still don’t know if I can forgive him for what he did though. But I am willing to try.” Ellie said softly, her hands now pulling at her jacket sleeves. “I uh...I was thinking of maybe inviting him over for a movie night tomorrow. If that’s okay?”

Ada smiled at this. It had been hard with Ellie not speaking to Joel for so long, watching the man she loved struggle with losing a daughter that no longer wanted anything to do with him. It was obvious he was hurting even if he never said the words out loud. He missed Ellie, he’d be so grateful to hear she wanted to do movie night again, for the first time in so long.

“Of course it is. When you get back from patrol we’ll figure something out okay? Joel’s out with Tommy but he should be back by dinner.”

Ellie simply nodded with a timid smile before turning towards Max waiting with Shimmer.

“Hang on, gotcha some lunch. I still worry you ain’t eating enough.” Ada shouted after her, reaching into her backpack to hand her daughter the pack of food she’d prepared.

“Thank you!” Dina called before Ellie had the chance to reply, swiping the pack out of Ada’s hand. “Hey! She said _my_ lunch!” Ellie poked in jest. The teen simply scoffed peaking through the bag to see what was inside. “ _Our_ lunch...there’s plenty for both of us. Let’s see; turkey sandwiches, nice.” Dina continued snooping through the pack while Ellie merely rolled her eyes as Ada stood with folded arms smirking at the two. They really were cute together.

“Oh shit! No way, Ellie there’s cookies in here! Awesome! Thanks Ada!”

Ada laughed at Dina’s joy as Ellie reluctantly followed behind, snatching the packed lunch back and stuffing it into her bag before Dina could complain.

“Ugh I haven’t had cookies since I was a kid. I fucking love your mom, she’s just the best.” Dina complimented as she mounted Japan, taking the reins and walking the gelding out into the snow, Ellie not far behind on Shimmer. The young girl turned back to take one last glance at her mother brushing down another horse, a smile lighting up her face.

“Yeah, yeah she is.” Ellie agreed.

* * *

After such an early start, Ada was pleased when the day was beginning to draw to an end. She’d not stopped the whole day and she was tired.

When the time came to feed and bed down the horses for the night, she was more than ready to head home, eat dinner, maybe snuggle up to Joel on the couch to watch a movie and call it a day. She’d already sent Max home to his boys when she finished up the last of her routine checks to close up the barn; when she’d been ambushed by both Jesse and Dina.

They both looked terrified, Dina with tear stained cheeks and Jesse breathless and shell shocked like he’d just run for miles without taking a second to breathe.

The brunette couldn’t remember much of what was said when they’d bombarded her with information. Only that something bad had happened and it had happened to Joel.

A thousand thoughts had rushed through her head at once. A flash of images muddled with the white noise that squealed in her ears the closer she ran towards the infirmary. Her nightmare was coming true and she felt like she was drowning. Lost in a dark ocean of uncertainty, falling without a lifeline to hold on to.

When she burst through the doors, Tommy was the first to reach her. She winced aghast at seeing his injuries. His swollen black eye, the deep bloodied gash on his forehead. She felt numb as her brother in law explained what had happened. What those bastards had done to her husband. Shot and beaten mercilessly. Her heart ached, her eyes raw from the tears she’d cried. And what made the whole thing worse, was that Ellie had been there to see the whole thing.

Ada had tried to brace herself before stepping into Joel’s room, her hand trembling as she reached for the handle. Ellie was sat slumped over his bedside, her hand clinging to his as he lay unconscious. The scuff of her mother’s boots grabbing her attention as she rose to her feet and met her halfway when Ada rushed towards her with open arms.

“Mom!” Ellie whimpered and it reminded her all too much of that night all those years ago. Ada squeezed her eyes shut as she pulled Ellie closer, her heart beating in her ears.

“Oh baby girl.” She soothed, her hand gently stroking her back for comfort. “I tried…” Ellie hiccuped. “I tried to stop them. I begged them to stop but they wouldn’t listen. And I told Joel to get up, just fucking get up.” Her voice broke as the girl choked back another sob and Ada couldn’t help her own tears as she listened silently. Gently guiding Ellie back to Joel’s bedside so she could sit, all the while the mother never once letting go of her daughter.

“I told him to get up, but it was like he’d just given up.” She explained quietly. Her shaking hands reaching up to wipe at her sore bloodshot eyes. Her cheeks and nose reddened from her tears. “The doctor said he needs to be asleep for a while, something about something needing time to settle?! I don’t fucking know!” She shouted in frustration, almost collapsing from exhaustion in her chair.

Ada merely nodded solemnly. Tommy had partly explained before she’d rushed to Joel. The doctor had insisted on keeping Joel sedated to give the brain time to heal itself while the swelling subsides. Ada just hoped it wouldn’t take too long for him before he was able to wake up.

As the night drew on Ellie had finally given in to her fatigue, stretching on the old beat up couch in the corner of the room. Tommy had thoughtfully brought her a blanket and a bag of clothes for the girls before heading home himself, Ada swearing that she would send Ellie the second they had any news on his brother.

It wasn’t until then that Ada had the still and the silence of the night did she truly take in Joel’s injuries. His leg, broken and mangled. It had been a damn miracle that they’d even be able to save it. But there had been a reasonable amount of confidence it would eventually heal, though Joel would definitely have some difficulty getting around at first and most likely a permanent limp afterwards; he was damn lucky in that respect.

His head injuries however were a different story. There were still flecks of dried blood in patches of his dark head where the club had struck. Patches of hair cut away, close to the scalp in order to reach the violent blows into his crown. Deep cuts and dark bruises covered his handsome face. A good chunk of his ear was missing, she’d noticed as she softly brushed her fingers through his hair in a feeble attempt to clean him up. It had been treated and neatly stitched but would most likely leave a scar.

Her lips trembled as a quiet sob worked its way up into her throat, her eyes blurred from the welling tears the longer she looked at him.

_She should have been there...Why hadn’t she been there?!_

The days went by and Joel still hadn’t woken up. The doctor took him off sedation a few days after the attack, in the hopes he would come around on his own. The endless nights slowly dragging by, each holding with it a suffocating pause that felt to be drawing out longer and longer. Like the string of a bow, pulling tighter and tighter until it was closely reaching its breaking point, a moment of holding strong until it was too much to bear.

* * *

It had been exactly nine days later when Joel eyelids flickered. His fingers twitched and convulsed as he finally began to regain consciousness.

A string of mumbles and panicked gasps uttered from his dry lips as he stirred awake. And Ellie and Ada were right there beside him. The young girl skidding on her heel as she took off through the door in order to grab Tommy.

“Joel? Can you hear me?” Ada asked delicately. Her heart beating rapidly in her chest. Tentatively reaching out to place her hand upon his as he moved to face her with squinted eyes.

“Wher...Where?” He tried to speak. His voice low and rough like gravel. It strained against his dry throat. Ada quickly moving to his bedside to help him drink from the glass of water placed beside him.

He winced but managed a few mouthfuls before lowering himself back down against his pillow. His tired eyes darted around the room, breath quickening and short the more the confusion set in as to how he’d ended up there.

“You're in the infirmary. You were out with Tommy and were attacked.” Ada explained carefully, Joel’s eyes drifting back towards her sat by his bedside. “Was anyone else hurt?” He asked. “Tommy got roughed up a little, bump on the head and a black eye. Couple of bruised ribs but he’ll be fine.”

Joel simply nodded at the information. His eyes never leaving Ada.

“Is Sarah okay? I assume she’s with Tommy, could you call her? Tell her I’m okay…” He spoke so casually, Ada almost didn’t hear what he’d said. But yet there was no change in his eyes as he asked the question. “How long do you reckon till I can head home?”

This question made Ada stop cold. Her heart slowing and her breath catching in her throat.

“Joel... do you know who I am?”

He looked at her like she was crazy, the confusion met in the touching of his dark brows creasing with his forehead. “Yeah, you’re my doctor.”

It was at that moment Ada almost collapsed. When she realised there was truly no hint of recognition in Joel’s eyes as he stared at her.

Her worst fear realised; her own husband saw her as a stranger. 


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise this chapter is a lot shorter than the first one but we’re back with Joel in the next chapter after he leaves the infirmary and I’m looking forward to writing that one. Enjoy! :)

**T** ommy couldn't believe this was happening. Barely getting the chance to recover from his own injuries only to watch his brother suffer to the point that he had begun to question the very world around him.

He remembered the moment it had happened. When Joel had woken up not knowing what was going on or where he was, the worst part for him was when he had asked about Sarah that Tommy finally realised the true extent of what the ex-Fireflies had actually done.

Ada had screamed for Joel in the hallway, demanding to know what was wrong with her husband, Ellie standing on the sideline completely frozen as the doctor had tried to explain what was wrong.

Traumatic amnesia she had called it. Memory loss resulting from a hard blow to the head. Joel didn't remember anything before the Outbreak and while the doctor had calmly informed them that it was perfectly normal to experience loss of memories while unconscious, it still didn't make things easier for Tommy when he had to tell his brother the truth about Sarah.

His heart broke watching him grieve for her all over again. That darkness descending over him once more. He'd eventually exhausted himself as the drugs took over giving him some peace as Tommy had silently left the room, his eyes burning from his own tears of grief.

He didn't understand even after days had passed and Joel was still the same. As he watched as Ada finished packing up the last of her belongings from what used to be her and Joel's closet.

"Ada are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked gruffly. "No." She sniffled as she took a sweater from the drawer and placed it in her bag. "But it's what's best for Joel right now."

Tommy just scoffed, to him this all seemed so stupid. Ellie had already packed her things and moved into the new place she and her mother had cleaned up. It was a small house, quaint. A few blocks down the road. Two bedrooms, one bathroom. Nice for any small family...but in Tommy's mind it still didn't make sense why moving there and leaving Joel alone was such a good idea.

He pushed away from the wall he was leaning against, slowly stepping further into Joel's bedroom. His eyes darting around the room to spy all the empty spots that Ada's things had once sat. Then glanced back at the woman sorting through the closet only to stop suddenly as she came across Joel's favourite jacket. She sighed heavily, her head bowing in sadness as she pulled the jacket close, hugging fabric that undoubtedly smelled like her lost husband.

"You don't have to do this." her brother in law murmured by the doorway catching her attention. "You know that right?" "Yes I do...you heard the doctor Tommy. It could take months before he gets his memory back and even then, she's not a hundred percent certain."

He watched as she walked past him, checking the contents of her bag before zipping it closed and taking a seat on the bed. "He has enough to deal with right now. I don't want to overwhelm him by trying to force him to remember too much at once. That could do more harm than good."

He supposed it made sense when she put it like that. It had been days and Joel was still grieving over Sarah. There was still the Outbreak to explain and all that he had done in those years to survive. How he and Tommy had ended up in Boston and the jobs they'd taken on to make ends meet. Then of course there was Ellie, her immunity and the Fireflies. Ada didn't want him to have to deal with all that whilst living with a stranger. He needed time and she was prepared to give him that. No matter how much it hurt to be away from him.

Tommy was the only thing that was familiar to him. If anything, Joel needed him more than her right now. But it was strange for Tommy to see his big brother so confused and vulnerable. He'd always been the level headed one. The one who people always looked to for guidance or reassurance.

Ever since they were kids, Tommy had looked up to his brother. Even in Jackson's early days, he had asked Joel's opinion on certain things he was unsure of.

Ada moved to pick up her bags from the bed as Tommy quickly moved to help with the load. "So how's Ellie holding up?" He grunted, straining against the weight of the rucksack pulling at his shoulders.

"Not good." She sighed. "She took her stuff over to the new place and hasn't come out of her room in two days. She blames herself for what happened, Dina and Jesse came by to see her last night and even they couldn't get her to open the door." Tommy's face fell as he met Ada's sad eyes. _Poor kid_ he thought following his sister in law down the stairs.

"Well why don't ya'll come over for dinner tomorrow night? See if that gets her out and about again." He offered, holding the front door open for the brunette.

"Thanks Tommy, I'll try." She smiled weakly. When the two had finished moving Ada's things into her new place, the younger Miller figured it was time to call it a day as he began heading home himself.

He felt uneasy.

It still didn't feel right separating Joel and Ada like this but in the long run, he considered it may have been worth it if Joel did eventually gain his memory back. She'd left some things. Things she'd wanted to keep safe. Pictures mostly, of herself with Joel and Ellie. Others with friends and family. Left untouched in the attic they hardly ever used. She'd left some of her books and records in the bedroom where they belonged. But the little things were gone, toiletries and clothes. Ornaments and shoes. Her favourite blanket from the couch that now looked empty without it.

Tommy hated this, it was so much worse than what Fireflies had intended. This was torture of another kind. To rid a man of his mind, his identity...his family and all that it stood for.

Joel was suffering the punishment for a crime he couldn't even remember committing. Tommy just hoped something might come back when he finally went home in the morning. Even if it was the smallest of memories...it would be better than nothing at all. 


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is a sad one and I'm sorry Joel :(

**J** oel felt out of place the second he walked through the damn door. It had been how ever many weeks since his accident and the next thing Joel knew, he was being taken to a house that was apparently his.

“Here we go. Home sweet home.” Tommy mumbled as he unlocked the door and stepped inside waiting for his brother to follow. He did, albeit slowly, on the crutches he’d been given from his time at the Infirmary while his leg healed. Joel stood in the doorway looking around the place. It was big, spacious and very well lit. There was a strange warmth to the house he felt itching in his mind, perhaps a sense of familiarity but it was faint and fleeting when he glanced back to his younger brother.

“So this place is mine huh? Have I lived here long?”

“Uhh yeah, just over four years…”

The older man just nodded. His voice dropping back into its usual gruff manner.

“Alright then. Do I live alone? Or with someone?”

Tommy flinched at the question but thankfully Joel either didn’t notice or simply chose not to pull him up on it. If the younger Miller was being honest, he had no idea how to answer. When Joel had woken up, he’d just assumed Ada was part of the Infirmary staff and when Ada had taken the decision to distance herself from Joel while he healed one step at a time, there had really been no reason to correct him. Instead only informing him she was a volunteer sometimes but worked in the stables as her main job. He had taken that as fact and moved on. He cleared his throat and led his big brother further into the home while forcing the most genuine smile he could muster without causing alarm.

“You know, why don’t I leave you a while to get reacquainted with the place.” He offered, trying to change the subject. “Look around...maybe you’ll remember something.” Joel simply hummed lowly in reply. His hazel eyes once again darting around the rooms as he grew more uneasy.

“You... uh... need any help getting around the place?” Tommy asked quietly. His hand rubbing awkwardly at his neck while fidgeting in place where he stood. “Those stairs are pretty-”

“I’m fine Tommy, I don’t need babysitting alright.” Joel cut off hastily. He was getting frustrated with all the coddling and while he was grateful to Tommy for looking after him during his time stuck in the Infirmary; he just wanted to get on with things now. Thankfully Tommy seemed to understand this, knowing his brother as well as he did. A small grin twitching at his lips to see his big brother was still the same stubborn bastard he’d been before. Good to know some things never change he supposed.

“Okay I’ll leave you to it then; I’ll swing round later to check in on you alright?”

Once again Joel just grumbled in reply but it was enough for Tommy and he turned to leave the older man to it. Leaving his keys on the side table in the hallway before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Joel left all alone with his muddled thoughts. It was strange being in a house he didn’t recognise, yet there were traces of him all over the place. His boots sat by the door, his favourite books on the bookshelf behind the couch. Favourite movies piled up next to the TV, his preferred whiskey in the dining room along with that same damn bourbon he and Tommy always drank together at New Years.

There was freshly washed laundry folded and stacked in a basket by the backdoor with fishing gear, all packed and ready to go. It was odd walking around as he did. He felt like he was intruding.

The only sounds in the quiet home being the scuffs of his heavy boots and crutches scraping across the wooden floor the further he ventured in. It was a struggle getting up the stairs with his bad leg protesting as much as it did but Joel’s curiosity was getting the better of him as he climbed to explore the upper floor.

He paused on the landing to catch his breath after the small effort of reaching the top of the stairs drained his already dwindling energy. He took a moment to pace him as he grit his teeth and breathed lowly through the throbbing in his busted leg. Turning by the side table and looking down at the picture of him and his brother. Tommy was smiling leaning over a fence while Joel stood beside him, a small grin of his own, holding a cup of coffee in his hands. It was strange looking at a picture he couldn’t even remember being taken. Where were they? What were they doing? Who even took the picture?!

Joel rubbed at his tired eyes in a feeble attempt to fight away an oncoming headache. He figured now was a good time to try to find his bedroom as it was clear he’d already overexerted himself for the day; despite the fact that he’d done so little. But the man was still recovering and Joel knew it would take some time yet before he completely regained his strength.

He pushed himself forward towards the door in front of him, but instead of being greeted by a bedroom was met with something of a workshop.

An array of tools, books and paints all across the room, freshly crafted guitars hung on the wall, along with some half finished, that lay on the counter tops. Wood chippings littering the floor by the window as he looked closer to see a number of animal carvings on a shelf, another of a cowboy riding a horse, simply copied free handed it looked like, from the illustrations in a book and papers propped up on the side.

 _Did he do all this?_ He wondered. This was getting surreal and Joel could’t stop the spinning of his head as he tried to process everything. His headache creeping back with a touch of nausea pulling at his stomach.

There was clearly a life lived here; but it wasn’t his. His life was back in Texas with Sarah. Except of course...it wasn’t, not anymore. And it pained Joel every time he had to remind himself of that. His fingers instinctively brushing against the broken watch on his wrist. Another sharp pang of grief hitting him; as he tried desperately to remember how it had broken in the first place...once again...nothing. 

He couldn’t take it anymore, waking up in a world, a whole damn town he didn’t know. Neighbours and supposed friends he didn’t recognise. Learning that his baby girl was gone and that it had happened almost twenty five fucking years ago!

It wasn’t fair! Joel didn’t want this...he wanted to go home. Where everything made sense and to a life he knew.

He didn’t understand why it was suddenly gone or who had been responsible for taking it from him. His lip curled in a snarl as his whole body trembled with anger, fists clenching and pulling his crutches, throwing them aside as they ricocheted against the wall. He threw himself forward, arms reaching out to push away any tools, papers or crafts he could get his hands on.

The unfinished guitar splintering into pieces on the floor with the other pieces strewn about the room.

Joel heaved a deep sobbing breath as he took in the destruction he had caused, his chest rapidly rising and falling as the anger in his blood slowly dissipated. His leg buckled from under him as he let himself collapse with his back against the door, sat silently.

Every inch of him ached and hurt. He didn’t think he could do this, trying to remember the years of a life he couldn’t recall ever having. What if the memories never came back? What if he was cursed to live this way forever.

Always closed off to a part of himself that was now a stranger to him. Or maybe whatever had happened to him was just too painful... Joel had to consider the possibility that perhaps that part of him didn’t want to remember.

Maybe it didn’t matter. In that moment he didn’t even bother to wipe away the tears of frustration and sadness that welled in his eyes. There was no longer any shame in it. After all there was no one there to judge him for it anyway. Now that Sarah was gone, Joel was alone. Sure he had Tommy but he had his own family now, it had been a shock to learn that his brother was married but Maria seemed nice nonetheless. And it wasn’t his job to look after Joel, no matter how much he insisted that it was. Joel rubbed roughly at his eyes the more he thought about it.

In that moment he decided he wouldn’t burden Tommy with his recovery any longer. Joel could take care of himself. Perhaps being alone was what he deserved anyway, if someone had attacked him, they’d obviously had a damned good reason for it. Maybe this was the punishment they’d wanted for him all along.

Alone. With no family left of his own.

_“Yeah maybe that was it.”_


	5. Chapter Four

**E** llie was tired. She’d barely slept since Joel’s attack and whenever she did, she only ever found herself back _there_. Pinned to the floor and forced to watch as those fuckers slowly tortured him, as his screams echoed in her head till she woke in a cold sweat. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d heard that Joel had been sent home but she’d done everything she could to avoid crossing paths with the man. She was already carrying enough guilt without seeing the vacant look in his eyes. She knew it would just make her feel a thousand times worse. In her mind this had all happened because of her. The Fireflies had only gone after Joel because of what he had done to protect _her._ She had wanted to be angry for so long but now it just seemed pointless. How could she be mad at Joel for something he didn’t even remember doing?! He didn’t know her, she was now just a stranger that had been a part of the rescue that brought him back to Jackson as far as he was concerned.

Even now the girl felt numb, it was the first time in days that she actually managed to venture from her room without instantly wanting to retreat back, to once again shut out the world. But she had a job to do and she was determined to do it. If not for her own sake, then for her mother’s.

“Okay that’s done, what’s next?” Dina asked pulling her girlfriend from her thoughts. Ellie looked back in her direction, moving to the table by the front of the barn for the papers her mom had written for her. “Feed, I think...you remember who has what?”

The young brunette scoffed cockily with a smug grin. “Of course I remember!” She dismissed with a wave of a hand as she walked towards the feed room. While Ellie just rolled her eyes as she followed. “Rightttt, because I'm sure Max didn’t write it all down for you? TWICE!” She could only laugh as Dina flipped her off walking through the door.

Later on as the two finished up tending to the last of the horses, heads bowed and noses snuffling in buckets, it quickly became quiet. All except the sound of the animals slurping and chomping at their breakfast. Ellie found it strangely calming as she and Dina sat and waited for them to finish before continuing on with their jobs.

“How’s Ada?” Dina asked quietly with her head leaning on Ellie’s shoulder. “Not great, I told her to take a couple days off.” She sighed heavily. Her mother had been holding it in, pretending she was able to cope, that she was strong enough to deal with everything that was happening. In truth, Ada blamed herself just as much as her daughter did for what happened to Joel. Perhaps even more so, considering she had been right by his side at the time, supporting his every decision only to now watch him suffer the consequences of them alone. Ellie had had the idea of giving her mom some time at home away from the town gossip and the constant looks, pitiful or otherwise.

The teen knew from first hand experience what it was like to be the talk of the town and she wanted to spare her mother from as much of that as she could...even if it was just a couple of a days.

“Ohh so that’s why we’re on yard duty then?” Dina yawned. Her arms reaching out above her head as she stretched and rose to her feet to peer over Japan’s stable door. The gelding nickering affectionately when she spotted her.

“Yeah but it’s not that bad; you get to spend all day with your boy.”

“That’s true; isn’t that right baby?” She cooed patting Japan softly on his neck as the gelding whined, almost agreeing with his owner.

“I swear you love that horse more than me.”

“I do...but you come in at a close second.”

“Gee thanks.” The redhead mumbled sarcastically with folded arms.

Ellie smiled holding back a laugh when the horse rubbed his feed covered nose against Dina’s arm, her girlfriend yelping in surprise at the mess slobbered against her clothes.

“Oh you think you that’s funny do you!” She gasped. “Yeah I do, whaddya do gonna do huh?” She taunted in amusement. 

“Oh I’ll show you! Come here!” Ellie laughed slowly backing away as Dina advanced on her, then suddenly pounced, smearing the muck across her girlfriend’s jacket. Ellie flailing in a feeble attempt to get away.

“Ew you’re so fucking gross!” She giggled out breathlessly, shaking her arms as she tried miserably to clean herself up.

“Eh you love me!” Dina moved to wrap her arms around Ellie’s shoulders, her eyes staring deep into hers, it felt oddly familiar to how they stood at the party that night they first kissed. It seemed so long ago now. But Ellie would always be grateful for it. The only difference was now; was that there were no more doubts. No more nerves of hesitation. Ellie didn’t even have to think about it this time as she pulled her closer with hands placed on her waist.

“Yeah. I do.” She whispered as the two leaned in, lips meeting in a kiss. Their noses brushed as they slowly pulled apart, lost in their own bubble of bliss and happiness. If Ellie couldn’t have her family right now, she was pretty damn grateful for Dina. The girl smiling sweetly in return as Ellie decided right then and there, that there was no doubt this girl was the fucking love of her life. The brunette pressed another kiss to the tip of Ellie’s nose before pulling away.

“Love you too babe, now come on. Your mom will kill us if we don’t get this done.” Ellie nodded silently before following, the two moving to start their next job of cleaning the tack.

They’d just gotten the cleaning supplies together, about to sit down at their work bench, when the sound of tapping and shuffling steps caught their attention.

“Oh hey there girls. Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt but I was looking for Tommy. I’m supposed to meet him here...is he around?”

Ellie froze like a deer in headlights at the man looking down at them from the doorway of the barn.

It was Joel and it was like looking at a ghost. He stood with a cane in his right hand after growing strong enough to no longer need his crutches. But it was clear his bad leg would never fully heal and it was a fact that still made Ellie angry. He looked exhausted. His face covered in near healed cuts and fading bruises. His beard was bushy as ever but some patches were shorter, where the injuries to his face were slowly scabbing over. It was the same for the dark mop of hair on his head that he’d let grow out over the past year. Shorter in parts and left uneven, probably to give it time to grow again. Ellie wasn’t sure.

She felt numb looking at the same man she’d once considered a father, who looked at her now as though she were a stranger. Although she supposed that’s because; to Joel, she was. Dina thankfully seemed to sense her girlfriend’s unease and rose to her feet to answer for the both of them, while Ellie herself just continued to stare.

“It’s okay, Tommy left this early morning to go check on a patrol route just outside the wall. But he’s due to be back soon if you want to wait.” She offered and Ellie felt like punching her.

 _What was she thinking?!_ That five minutes standing together in the barn would be enough to bring back Joel’s memories. The teen gave her knowing look, almost apologising with her eyes. But Ellie wanted to respect her mother’s wishes and if she was being honest, she agreed with the idea to give Joel time to process everything.

“You sure? I wouldn’t wanna get under your feet.” He said with a small smile, trying to lean his weight on his good leg. His fist tightening around the cane as he balanced himself. “No, it’s no problem at all. You can come see the horses too. Might as well seeing as one of them is yours.” Dina smiled politely.

It seemed that was enough to convince the man as he hobbled over to the stable Dina was stood by. A large bay gelding thoroughbred twitched his ears and reached over the door to sniff at Joel’s jacket the closer he got.

“Hey there fella.” Joel murmured. The horse responding affectionately as he nuzzled against the hand raised to stroke his nose.

“That’s Duke. He’s your boy.” Dina said. Almost pulling Ellie to stand closer to the door by Joel by her sleeve. Her feet dragging along the floor as she froze again, her eyes never leaving Joel as he smiled at Duke.

“That right? Well probably explains why he recognises me, I wish I could say the same boy.” It was mumbled but both Dina and Ellie heard, noticing the sadness that creeped along Joel’s face the longer he looked up at the large animal. Thankfully it seemed to pass quickly when his eyes glanced back at the girls beside him.

“I think I know you two...Ella right?” He pointed to Ellie and she almost jumped from her skin when the older man addressed her. Her hands anxiously pulling at the sleeves of her jacket.

“Errm...Ellie.” She quietly corrected. “Annd this...this is Dina. My girlfriend, we were part of the group that brought you back to Jackson.” Her hands were shaking the whole time she spoke and when her words were finished, her throat was dry and she almost coughed to rid the lump that was forming. But Joel just smiled in that same old Joel way that he did. She was thankful for the fact that at least the attack hadn’t taken that from him.

“Well thank you Ellie and Dina, I’m real grateful. You two seem like good kids.” Ellie almost beamed from the feeling of getting praise from Joel again after so long. It took her back to Pittsburgh all over again, being taught how to shoot. The pride of knowing she was doing a good job, Joel had said so back at Bill’s. When he’d jumped down to join Ada by the road she’d meant what she’d said to him.

_‘I won’t let you down.’_

Except now she had and she felt more than guilt as she looked at Joel beside her. But he seemed so content, fussing Duke with a lazy smile as he did. It was strange to miss a man that was standing right in front of her. 

“Hey uh...meant to ask before but uh...you wouldn't happen to have a horse named Callus here would ya?” Joel asked suddenly and Ellie’s heart almost stopped instantly as her eyes widened slightly. Once again Dina noticed straight away as her hand slipped into Ellie’s to try to ground her.

“No, I don’t think so. Why are you remembering something?” The young brunette asked gently.

Joel thought for a second before shaking his head.

“Nah, just the name kept coming to me. Probably nothing. Kind of a ridiculous name for a horse anyway.” He chuckled and Ellie felt her heart ache.

“Well I think I’ve kept you young ladies from your work long enough. I’d hate for y'all to get in trouble on my account. I’ll try catching Tommy by the gate on his way back.” he shuffled on his feet to turn back towards the door, his weight held firmly on his cane. “Sure no problem, it was nice talking to you.” Dina said and Joel nodded in response then waved at the girls as he disappeared back towards the town.

Ellie watched silently as he left. All the while Dina held her hand, her soft eyes looking back to the redhead when Joel was gone. Her hand slipped from Ellie’s and wrapped around her in a hug.

“Babe, you okay?” She whispered. She could see Ellie’s eyes welling, her lips trembling as she slowly shook her head.

“I just want to go home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank everyone that's commented, I really appreciate it. It honestly means so much to me that you take time out of your day to leave me feedback on my story, huge thank you again. 
> 
> I will say though that this chapter was a hard one to write...not because of story reasons, I'm just don't feel 100% happy with it. I've edited it time and time again; to the point it's driving me mad. So I've decided to post it as it is because I really don't want to keep obsessing over it and want to continue onward as I believe this plot is good and really don't want to put myself off writing it. I'm actually enjoying it so I'm trying not to push myself or be too critical and take the fun out of it. 
> 
> So I do apologise if it's a disappointing chapter and really hope you do enjoy it.

**T** he whole town was staring at her, she could feel it when she passed. She’d only stepped out for a quick trip to the general store to grab some last minute ingredients for her and Ellie’s supper. And yet she still felt every set of eyes burning into her back as she made her way home.

They’d been gossiping again, it was painfully obvious. Since Joel’s attack and their unplanned...separation, it seemed like everybody had an opinion on the situation.

Some not agreeing with her choice to give Joel his space; claiming she was ‘abandoning’ him, that she was selfish and cruel. Others had fabricated the idea that she herself had actually planned the attack as revenge for an apparent infidelity Joel had.

It was all ridiculous and Ada didn’t know how much longer she could put up with it. She’s been more than grateful to Ellie for covering her shift in the stables for the past couple of days. It had given her some time to escape it all and pretend it wasn’t happening, just for a little while. Ada was downright exhausted from trying to hold it together. She missed Joel like crazy, wasn’t sleeping after being used to sleeping beside him for years and even when she did manage to fall asleep, it was only racked with nightmares.

She continued down the street; backpack in hand with her groceries inside weighing it down as she struggled slightly, but carried on in her rush to get back. Her boots crunching against the slush of melting snowing under foot, it was quickly beginning to thaw; a clear sign that Spring was well on its way. It was hard to believe it had been almost a whole month since Joel’s attack and though Ada hadn’t spoken to him since he’d woken in the infirmary; she still hoped he was doing okay.

She’d kept up to date on his progress through regular updates from Tommy and it had broken her heart when he’d told of the first day he’d returned to find his older brother, a sobbing mess on the floor of his trashed room as he desperately tried to understand what had happened to him.

It had made her question her decision to leave Joel with time to heal. That perhaps it wasn’t what was best for him. But Tommy had told her he was still struggling to piece his timeline together after losing Sarah. He had taken the time to help with the early years of the Outbreak; all the way through to their time in Boston. But then Joel had gotten overwhelmed and hadn’t brought it up since. That had been enough for them to agree Joel wasn’t ready to process his time as a Smuggler and everything else that had come after it.

At times it almost seemed as if he was repressing most of it and if Adaline was honest, she couldn’t blame him. It was a hard life and most wished they could forget the horrid things they’d done to survive. She just deeply hoped that part of him wasn’t holding back his memories of her and Ellie.

It seemed that her deep thoughts had run away from her as she suddenly bumped into a large chest almost slipping on some snow. The tug of large gloved hands stopped her as they held gently onto the small of her back and she managed to steady herself. Ada quickly collected herself as she looked up at the face of her saviour and her heart almost stopped.

“Whoa easy there...you okay miss?” Joel smiled kindly, taking a step back as his arms fell back to his sides. Ada gulped down a gasp, choking slightly at her words before speaking.

“Ye- Yes...Thank you.” She forced, her heart drumming in her chest. Both staring at one another in an awkward silence. She looked at him and almost cried. He stood balanced with a cane in his hand, his kind eyes sore and bloodshot from exhaustion as he looked back at her. His clothes were noticeably loose on his frame, she wondered when he’d last ate. Joel was a terrible cook, it had always been her job to keep him well fed. It had been a long running joke between them but now it just made her hurt. She swallowed hard pulling at the bag in her hand, her feet shuffling as she quickly thought of something to say.

“I’m sorry for walking into you, my mind was somewhere else completely.” She explained pitifully, Joel just smiled again while waving his hand dismissively.

“Nah don’t worry about it, I was just trying to find my way home.”

“Are you lost?” She asked almost too fast, her brows creasing in concern. Her husband cringed at the blatant embarrassment he felt at forgetting his way back after leaving the stables but it’d been a long day and after failing to find his younger brother, Joel was quite content with simply heading home and waiting for Tommy to find him, rather than wander around Jackson all day. Though it had seemed on his way back, he had gotten confused with the winding streets and ended up right back where he started. He blushed at Ada’s concern, his hand reaching up to rub at his neck in that bashful way he always did when he felt flustered. Even now Ada still found it adorable.

“Yeah...You...uh... wouldn’t happen to know where I live would ya?” He asked sheepishly. “Yeah I can walk you back if you want, it’s not that far from my place.”

He nodded, falling into a gentle pace beside her as they walked together. Ada keeping her speed slow enough for him to keep up with his cane aiding his injured leg.

“Hey I wanted to thank you…” Joel started as they continued walking, Ada glancing his way while he continued. “You were a volunteer at the infirmary right? Adaline...You helped take care of me while I was in a bad way. Don’t think I ever managed to thank you for that.”

Ada smiled timidly.

“Yeah that’s me, it's just Ada. You’re welcome. I’m...I’m glad you’re okay.”

They continued walking as the silence fell between them but it wasn’t comfortable like it normally was. It felt strained and rather awkward. Joel would wince at the ache in his bad leg the further down the street they went and Ada could tell he was frustrated with the cane he’d been given to accommodate his injury. He’d always been a bad patient, stubborn and restless; even with something as simple as a cold she had struggled to keep him in bed to rest. Ada would steal the occasional glance at him when he wasn’t looking, it felt strange to miss him now even though he was right beside her. She wanted to hold him, kiss him, even settle for falling asleep together on the couch as a crappy movie played on in the background.

Joel paused as they approached his house... _their house_. His eyes almost searching hers for something she couldn’t quite place. He smiled sincerely, leaning on his cane the longer he stared at her. They stopped and stood at the bottom of the small set of stairs that led to the patio.

“Think this is me...Thanks for this.” He grinned. “I still can’t remember what the hell happened, been going over it in my head damn near a thousand times and I still got nothing. But I’m grateful your girl and her friends found me when they did.” This caught Ada’s attention, brown eyes snapping back up at Joel.

“You talked to Ellie?”

“Yeah at the stables earlier this morning. Her and her girlfriend...Dina? Yeah that sounds right. She’s a good kid.”

“She is.” Ada agreed. The sadness weighing heavily in her heart at the lost and pain Ellie had struggled with since Joel’s attack. Her mind instantly filled with worry, hoping she was okay. She listened politely to her husband the more he talked about Ellie and the hard work she was doing with Dina and how proud she should be that her daughter was handling things so well at such a young age. _Our daughter,_ she’d thought with a broken heart. Tommy had explained patrols to him a short while ago and he was amazed at how many teenagers had offered to take the watches and joined the ranks to protect the town. It was impressive to Joel to see so many young people step up to take care of their families. Even if he did think some were a little too young to be taking such dangerous routes. Ada smiled at the same old Joel shining through, it made her realise just how much she truly did miss him. She was about to bid him a bittersweet goodbye, preparing to force her away when all she really wanted to do was pull him close, even just for a moment, when he cleared his throat. A serious look darkening his features.

“Listen, I meant to ask before but I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate or not but I uh...heard you in the infirmary not long after I woke up. You were upset, asking about your husband I think, I guess I just wanted to ask if everything was okay.” His words were quiet but she heard them, her breath catching in her throat, heart racing as she panicked, rushing to string her words together to answer.

“Uh...he’s...gone. He went out on patrol a couple weeks ago. He still hasn’t come back yet.” It wasn’t a complete lie. After all, the man that had returned from patrol that day hadn’t been her husband. He was a stranger to her now. A ghost that just looked like her Joel. It struck her as she wondered if that side of him really would stay gone. That there really was the possibility that he really never was going to come back. It turned her cold the more she thought about it.

Joel’s face fell as he dropped his gaze to the floor, a sad sigh brushing passed his lips.

“Damn...I’m really sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. How hard that must be for Ellie to lose her dad like that…”

“You have no idea.” She breathed. Those were the words that came from Ada’s lips but more than anything she wanted to tell Joel how much Ellie missed _him._ How much they both did. But Ada knew she couldn’t be selfish, telling Joel now would only further overwhelm him, confuse him. And that wasn’t fair on anyone. None of this was. It wasn’t Joel’s fault, he was just trying to be friendly to someone he thought was a simple acquaintance. But Ada didn’t think she could stand there much longer and continue to pretend this wasn’t tearing her apart inside.

She turned pulling at the bag of groceries and forced a small smile Joel’s way as politely as she could.

“I should really be heading back, you think you’ll be okay now?”

“Oh yeah, thanks again. It sounds ridiculous to need help getting to a house you’ve lived in for years but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it now. I’m sorry for prying too, it’s obviously upset you. That wasn’t my intention.” Ada could almost laugh at the fact that even now after everything; Joel could still see right through her mask and sense how she was feeling. It was one of the reasons she fell in love with him. “I’m sorry about your husband Ada... I really hope he finds his way back to you and your girl.”

“Yeah me too.” She didn’t look back as she walked away. She couldn’t. It hurt too damn much.

* * *

By the time she got home, Ada couldn’t even feel the chill in the air anymore. She was too damn numb to know it was even there.

Her hand was shaking when she reached to unlock the door but found it was already open.

“Ellie?” She called out stepping inside the door. “Ellie you home?” She tried again, making her way through the small house and wandering into the kitchen to put away her groceries. Still nothing.

She noticed her daughter’s jacket and boots thrown in a heap by the back door and rolled her eyes with a huff. _I’ve told that girl a hundred times to put her stuff away!_ She thought in irritation as she moved to tidy them up.

“Ellie!”

There was still no answer and Ada came to the conclusion that the teen must be in her room, headphones in, music cranked up again. Slipping off her own boots, she made her way upstairs. She could hear Ellie stomping about her room, moving to knock at the door before entering. When she stepped inside she hesitated when she saw her daughter rushing around the space, darting back and forth with clothes and packed food. Her gun was cleaned slid into the back of her jeans along with her faithful pocket knife in the back pocket of her jeans. Ada's eyes widened at the maps and, marked photos and tourist leaflets littered across Ellie’s bed.

“Ellie what do you think you’re doing?” She choked out, her voice strained against her suddenly dry throat.

The girl didn’t look up at her mother as she hastily continued to pack.

“What does it look like?” She uttered. “I’m going after them.”

“The hell you are! Put this stuff away now.” Ada ordered, this made Ellie stop. As she looked back at her mom with pure venom in her eyes. Her lips curled in anger. Although it had been nearly a month since Joel's attack, Ellie and Ada still haven't addressed the elephant in the room. The same damn thing that had been hanging over all of them since Saint Mary’s Hospital. The Fireflies.

“So they just get to get away with this?!” She spat at the older woman. The anger boiling in her veins as she stomped back over to the mess of maps on her bed. “Mom I can find those fuckers, Tommy said he’d gotten word they were headed towards Seattle. Dina agreed to help me with this, we can find them and I can-”

“Ellie they don’t matter anymore. It’s over. Joel is what’s important and he needs us here.”

The teen scoffed bitterly at her mother’s words, biting hard on her lip almost drawing blood. Her hands clenched tightly until her knuckles burned.

“They don’t matter?! They almost killed him, tortured him and you’re just gonna let them walk away?!”

“They believe he _is_ dead and we need to keep it that way, you go running after them, whaddya you think they’ll do huh?! Joel needs us here, when he remembers-”

“STOP WITH THE BULLSHIT!” Ellie screamed. “He’s gone mom, don’t you get that?! He doesn't remember us! We mean nothing to him! Stop pretending everything is going to be okay because it fucking isn't! Joel’s gone!" Her mother froze at her words and Ellie gasped as her hand flew to cover her mouth at what she’d just said.

Her brain slowly catching up with her as the tension melted away, the air almost sobering the two as they stared blankly at one another. Brown eyes welled with tears, slowly rolling down Ada’s cheeks. The woman falling to her knees as a wet sob broke from her lips, Ellie rushed to her mother dropping beside her with arms attempting to pull her close.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry mom.” She whispered into her mother’s hair, holding her close against her shoulder. “I shouldn’t...I never should’ve…” She felt at a loss for words. For what could she possibly say to make up for it. It was cruel and she wished more than anything that she could take it all back.

Ellie was tired of hurting people, tired of losing and watching those she loved leave. What good was being the fucking cure to mankind if all it did was bring misery and death everywhere she went?! It wasn’t fair! She hadn’t asked for this, hadn’t wanted to be immune or some special chosen one. Since the day she’d been bitten nothing had been the same and nothing had been easy.

But when she’d finally had the chance to have something good...a real fucking family. It had been cruelly snatched her just like everything else!

Ellie knew how much her mom missed Joel, how heartbroken she was. She held her as she cried for a man they both knew had a strong chance of never coming back. What if he never remembered? She had spoken to him and it had been like talking to a stranger. A man so far gone that he couldn’t even remember her name.

In that moment Ellie broke, collapsing against her mother as she felt hands rub at her back in that soothing way she’d always done since she was a baby. They sat and they cried together. Mother and daughter mourning for a lost husband...and a lost father. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review <3


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a little late posting an update. After so much sadness, why don't we take a break? We need some cute happy moments...my babies are too sad. :( Here's a flashback that is well needed right now. I hope you enjoy it <3

**T** he sun had long since set, the night unusually calm and still after a morning spent travelling and walking through the Wyoming Museum that Joel had surprised the girls with for Ellie’s birthday.

It had been fun and Ada had enjoyed every second of it. That was until they’d been separated and Ellie had seen the dead Firefly and his messages of hate and anger towards the group after they’d been forced to disband.

Ada had always wondered what would become of them after Marlene’s death, she supposed now she had her answer.

They’d set up their tents for the night with a roaring campfire burning away in between them as the horses grazed contently not too far away. The older woman sat a small distance from the campsite by the water’s edge of the deep pool flooded into the forest beds. Brown eyes stare into the lazy river flowing through the fallen rocks and dead trees, filtering through the cracks into a string of waterfalls that beautifully reflected in the soft moonlight above.

She watches the water move, her mind completely quiet and undisturbed. It’s strange even now to still have quiet moments like this. She’s so used to running for her life, constantly vigilant for the sounds of nearby infected or potential threats that sometimes find their way through. But now she can relax, she can breathe and it’s glorious. There’s just that tiny nag in the corner of her mind. It tugs gently until she can no longer ignore it. She glances back to the tents, towards the young girl that is currently occupying her mind. Ellie sits quietly by the entrance of her tent, headphones in her ears, comic book on her lap as she idly flips through the pages. While Joel tends to the fire, poking and prodding here and there to keep it burning long enough for their supper to be cooked. She’d made sure to pack enough for the whole journey but Ellie had chosen to catch a few fish for tonight’s meal, what with it being her birthday and all. And as the teen was quick to remind both her and Joel…repeatedly...

_My birthday, my rules._

It was the first time she’d seen it in Ellie’s eyes but it had definitely been there and it terrified her. That doubt. For so long Ellie had taken Joel and Ada’s words as fact, she had never brought up the Fireflies or what had happened in the hospital after they’d left so quickly. After all, what reason would they have to lie?

Ada felt her chest tighten at the thought. What would she say if the girl started asking questions? What would Joel say? For the first time in over a year, she was starting to feel guilty for hiding the truth of what really happened. Maybe Ellie deserved to know, maybe they never should have lied in the first place.

But as she glanced back across at her daughter, the fear went away. She was a mother and it was her duty to protect her child. No matter how old she was. And while she may not have been Ellie’s biological mom, she was every bit a mother to the girl whether they were related by blood or not. She’d raised Ellie from being a year old after her father had passed. And she had done the best she could with what she had.

She’s was so lost in her own barrelling train of thoughts, that she doesn’t hear Joel approaching until he sat beside her.

“Hey you doing alright over here?” He asks.

“Yeah I’m fine.” She lies and Joel instantly knows that something is wrong, the concern evident on his face as he leans closer towards her.

“No you’re not. You're worrying.” He says gently. “It's Ellie ain’t it? You saw it too.”

She doesn’t even have to question what he’s talking about. They both saw the look on Ellie’s face when they forced their way into the abandoned building and found the girl stood alone in the dark, her light illuminating the Firefly sign and the dark letters painted below.

_‘Liars’_

In a way it felt as if the very message was speaking directly to them. For what else could they call themselves for the stories they had spun, for the protection of a girl that they both wanted to save? That they both loved.

Ada said nothing as she moved to rest her head on Joel’s shoulder, the man sighing deeply, lifting his arm to wrap around her waist, his own head then rested upon hers. They held each other close as they’d done so many times before, staring out at the glistering water before them. The soft lapping of the water danced by the edge with the breeze of the night’s air, carrying with it the melody of chirping crickets in the long grass under foot.

“What are we gonna do?” The brunette whispers into the silence settled between them.

“With how things are going; I say we do nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“She ain’t asked about it, reckon there’s no reason to go pulling at strings until it’s time.” Joel reasoned. And he was right, Ellie was happy. She was making friends back in Jackson, learning new skills and discovering new talents. It wasn’t until Tommy had gifted her with a journal for her birthday that she actually discovered she was a pretty damn good artist. She had a bed to sleep in every night, a family to come home to, just like she’d always wanted. It was the closest thing Joel and Ada could remember from before; that somewhat resembled a normal life.

They had structure, a reason to get up in the morning. And it felt good. Eventually they moved from the water. Walking hand in hand towards the fire and sitting together, while Ellie continued quietly in her own little bubble, reading her comic book.

They glanced at one another and in that instant that their eyes met, it was decided they would keep their secret for a little longer. Ellie was happy and that was what mattered to them. Nothing more needed to be discussed. 

Joel moved to tend to the burning fire, checking over the fish as it cooked above the flames. Though Ada had to quickly take over when the man sent her a lost look at the state of the food. The older man was talented at a lot of things throughout his twenty years of survival but it was obvious that cooking was not one of them. A trait that Ada found rather endearing about him. To meet this confident, strong and stoic man; only to then find out that he struggled to cook a simple can of soup without somehow managing to burn it to the bottom of the pan.

Although it was considered rather old-fashioned, Ada still enjoyed looking after Joel. After everything he had done for her and Ellie, something as simple as cooking him a decent meal made her feel like she was giving something back. She’d tried teaching him in the early days they’d arrived in Jackson but it seemed it was a skill Joel just couldn’t pick up, no matter how often she attempted it. It was a small thing but it made her feel better knowing that; even if she couldn’t control anything regarding Joel’s safety when he left on patrols, at least he wasn’t going out with an empty stomach.

With the food done Ada quickly served the meal, splitting the fresh fish between herself, Joel and Ellie. Who, as a typical teenager, said nothing as she took the plate from her mother and disappeared back into her tent, comic book under her arm and headphones still blasting in her ears. The older woman merely smiled, taking her seat back at Joel’s side as the two ate in a comfortable silence.

When they’d finished Joel had offered to wash up, a credit to his Texas manners as he moved towards the stream to fetch water. He heated it through after grabbing a rag from his backpack and once again found his place at Ada’s side.

She watched him as he worked, a smile tugging at her lips. It had been almost two years since she’d met this man and she still wasn’t quite sure what she’d done to deserve him.

If she was honest she had never loved anyone the way she loved Joel. It was almost laughable how irritating they once found each other when they'd first met. Constantly arguing over plans, ideas and routes to take to get to their destination. She’d wanted so badly to get rid of this gloomy grump, confident in her own abilities that she could find her way with Ellie on her own. And yet now she couldn’t even fathom the idea of living without him.

“Hey.” She called gently, grabbing Joel’s attention as he glanced her way. “ I wanted to thank you, for all this. Everything you’ve done for Ellie. I think this is without a doubt the best birthday she’s ever had. Back in Boston I could never really do a lot for her. Couldn’t even get her a decent present with those damn ration cards.”

“You don’t gotta thank me Ada, reckon this was good for all of us.” He said, wringing out the rag as he finished the washing up, then hanging it dry. Ada shuffled on her behind, grabbing her legs to cross them underneath her and leaned back on her arms to gaze up at him.

“Yes I do, you didn’t have to do this. And that tape you found her...I mean she loves it Joel.” He smiled at her words, his eyes moving to find Ellie still sat alone with her Walkman.

“You do realise she’ll be listening to that on repeat for months right?” She laughed with him. His face lit up with joy, it was the same feeling he’d felt when he gave her the gift in the first place. The pure wonder and glee when she played it. He looked back to Ada and his heart leaped in his chest when he saw the love in her eyes.

“Well...you know, speaking of presents, I do actually have something else.” He teased with a mischievous grin widening across his face. He kneeled down beside the woman, rummaging through his bag then pulled out a small vinyl cover. Ada’s mouth agape in surprise as she took the album from Joel, a small gasp leaving her, her smile hid behind the hand that rested on her chin.

“Joel...I...how did you…” She uttered, completely at a loss for words. It was a Fleetwood Mac album, one of her favourites in fact. The man beside her lowered himself back down, his hazel eyes level with hers.

“You said they were your favourite growing up, cause of your mom and I found a music store before we left Jackson so I figured...you know…” He explained and Ada was touched by how considerate he was. How sweet. She’d told him the story of her mother listening to the band throughout her childhood and teen years, when they’d first started to soften to one another while travelling through Pittsburgh. But that had been months ago and yet he had remembered every detail. A fact that Ada was quick to point out to him, but he just smiled and shrugged.

“I guess I do listen more than you think.” He simply said. And damn if Ada didn’t fall in love with this man all over again.

“I love it, thank you.”

“You’re welcome darlin’.”

She still hadn’t said the actual words to him yet. Which, when she thought about it seemed so ridiculous. She put the album to the side, unfold her legs and tackled the man in a hug. A reaction Joel clearly hadn’t been expecting as the force of it left them both in a tangled mess on the forest floor. Ada landing on top of him, as he let out a muffled grunt as he met the ground with his back. His arms wrapping around her middle and holding her in place, while hers found themselves round his neck, her fingers brushing through his hair.

“I love you.” She said breathlessly, her eyes never leaving his. She saw his throat quiver as he swallowed hard, his face softened as his calloused fingers caressed against her face. A gentle touch but one that still made her feel warm and giddy. He brushed her hair from her eyes, sweeping the brown locks behind her ear and smiled lovingly.

“I love you too.” He replied. The words said for the first time between them. He moved forward to kiss her, eyes sliding close, noses touching as they leaned closer.

“Oh come on guys!! Seriously?! Fucking gross!” Ellie bellowed, instantly killing the mood as Joel groaned letting his head fall back against the floor, his arms releasing Ada as she quickly scuffled from him and back to her feet. Hand reaching out to help Joel up.

Both adults stepped away from the other, attempting to put the distance between them as Ellie stared them down with a raised eyebrow.

“And on my fucking birthday, what are you trying to scar me for life or something?” She joked. But Ada and Joel were far too embarrassed to see the funny side. The girl continued with a deep chuckle, her tongue sticking out as she gagged and pulled faces at the whole thing.

“Oh man that image is gonna be stuck in my brain forever!” She groaned. “Get out! Get out” She whined tapping her head with her small fist as she squeezed her eyes closed. Turning on her heel and retreating back towards her tent.

Joel awkwardly cleared his throat when the girl had gone, looking anywhere and everywhere except towards Ada. The woman doing the same, her stomach fluttering and cheeks hot from endless blushing.

“Well that was uhhh...unexpected.” The man mumbled. Ada just laughed as she felt the tension melt away between them as Ellie shouted at the two to go to bed and jokingly threatened to ground them if they didn’t behave. Joel just shook his head at the girl and smiled at his love as they called it a night and headed towards their tent. Ellie watched them go and readied herself for first watch, taking the risk to glance through the tent door and seeing Joel and Ada had already fallen asleep. She'd never tell them but it was actually kinda cute when they cuddled up to each other. She was glad they were happy. It was nice. 

_Yeah_ Ellie thought to herself as she settled in for the night. 

_Best. Birthday. Ever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review! Your lovely comments are very much appreciated! <3


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